All's Fair in Matchmaking in Trolling
by Wolf skater
Summary: Wally and Artemis are in denial. Their friends want them to admit their feelings. So they kidnap Jade. Cliche matchmaking tactics and crazy games. Not to mention a weirded out Batman. Slightly AU. Warning: really cracky crack fic. One-shot


**Disclaimer: Pfft! You think I own DC! Hahahaha! Are you on crack?**

**Author's Notes: What is this atrocity! It's not evo and not ROMY! But it is SPITEFIRE which is just as awesome! For those of you who read my other work I'm working on that right now, everyone else, pray that this is as good as my ROMY and try to enjoy! Oh and for the purpose of this fic everyone but Wally knows about Artemis's family. And yes it's AU. And Red Arrow is on the team.**

* * *

Jade was confused. Not that she'd let them know that but still, she was highly confused. I mean it's not every day you wake up to find out that you've been kidnapped by your sister's team mates.

"Okay I know you're a little whelmed but we need to get down to business" the boy wonder said looking down at her.

"What?" she asked him raising an eyebrow, noticing that the whole team was there minus her sister and the speedster.

"Your sisters in denial and we need your help getting her out of it" Zatana told her.

"Really? Let me guess she likes the speedster and he likes her but they're both too hard headed to acknowledge it" Jade said grinning.

"Yeah that's exactly it!" M'gann said innocent and way to excitedly.

"What's in it for me?" Jade asked examining them.

"We're not gonna pay you if that's what you're asking" Red Arrow told her glaring.

"At least not in money" Robin said smirking.

"What does that mean?" Jade asked.

"It means we're paying you in cookies" Zatana offered.

"Hmm okay I'm in. So what's the plan?" she asked easily excepting the situation.

"We don't have one yet" Connor told her as everyone else, minus Kaldur looked away.

"And that's the first part of the plan! Coming up with one!" Robin said enthusiastically.

"Okay ideas?" Red Arrow asked.

"Huh I didn't think you cared Red" Jade said teasingly.

"I don't but the sooner this is over with the sooner I don't have to listen to these guys" he told her gesturing to Robin, Zatana, and M'gann.

"Oddly enough that makes sense" Jade said "so ideas?" she asked grinning like the Cheshire cat she was deep down inside (not to mention troll).

"Well we could force them to go on a double date with Conner and me" M'gann suggested.

"No that would just end up in disaster, heavy on the dis, we need something that would end in Astor" Robin said appearing lost in thought as he stared at the floor.

"We could blackmail them into admitting it" Jade said ignoring Robin's weird langue.

"And how exactly are we supposed to do that?" Red Arrow asked giving her a strange look.

"Well we keep my sisters bow away from her and keep the speedster away from food" she explained.

"Nah they'd kill us if we did that" Zatana said her brow furrowing.

To Cheshire it seemed that she and Robin where the master minds behind this whole thing. That explained why the whole team was in on it, those two had probably blackmailed them all.

"We could have a group therapy meeting and bring it up" Jade said after a few moments of silence.

"NO!" everyone else said simultaneously.

Jade raised an eyebrow. If they all were against that idea it meant that they all had serious issues and probably really did need therapy. Then again she really isn't the one to talk with how messed up she is… But still.

"We could just lock them in a closet together till they admit it" Zatana suggested after a few moments of awkwardness, and people trying to come up with something.

"Hmm it's over used, unoriginal, and cliché" Robin said checking off of his fingers for each thing, "It's perfect!" he cried grinning evilly.

Him and Zatana high fived, matching evil smiles on their faces. In that moment Jade was one hundred percent sure that those two could take over the world together if they wanted to.

"Great now all we need to do is find a way to get them trapped in a closet without them catching on" Jade quipped, knowing this was gonna be fun.

* * *

Artemis was walking down the hall when Zatana ran up to her.

"Artemis you have to see this!" she said quickly grabbing her and dragging her somewhere.

"Ahh what the hell Zatana?" She asked trying to get out of her friends grip.

"You'll see come on!" Zatana told her grinning evilly.

Artemis shivered, Zatana's behavior freaking her out a bit. Zatana finally let go of her stopping at storage closet. In said closet was Wally dressed up in his civvies, passed out, and starting to wake up.

"What happened to him?" Artemis asked studying him.

"This" with that Zatana pushed Artemis into the closet and shut the door locking it, just as everyone else came out of hiding places.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Artemis yelled through the door.

"Don't worry you guys will be let out as soon as you stop denying the truth!" Robin yelled back to her.

"What that magic is real?" Artemis asked sarcastically.

"Nah if it was that was the case it would just be Wally" Zatana told her laughing.

"What's going on?" Wally's groggy voice was heard.

"They locked us in a closet!" Artemis said banging on the door.

Everyone, minus Red Arrow laughed at this, (yes Aqualad and Superboy laughed).

"We'll be back for you guys later!" Robin yelled over his shoulder as they walked away ignoring the sounds of their teammates trying to get out.

* * *

"So what do we do now?" Jade asked.

"What do you mean?" M'gann asked voicing what everyone was thinking (literally).

"I mean what are we supposed to do while we wait for those two to hook up" Jade told them.

"How about a game of extreme truth or dare!" Robin exclaimed.

"Um what's extreme truth or dare?" Kaldur asked scared of the answer.

"It's truth or dare with questions that aren't just true or false they can be anything and really extreme dares!" Zatana told him, her and Robin were grinning again.

"Sounds like fun" Jade said grinning at Red Arrow.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Sure let's play a game that could potentially give Robin and Zatana endless amount of blackmail against all of us or get us in trouble with Batman" he said sarcastically.

"Great let's get started!" Robin exclaimed grabbing the nearest person, who happened to be a protesting Aqualad.

* * *

"What the hell is this all about?" Wally asked as they stared at the door trying to figure out what to do.

"Hell if I know" Artemis said shrugging "I think they want us to admit something but I don't know what."

He nodded not looking at her. They both knew that statement was a lie, but neither really cared because neither wanted to be the first to break and admit their feelings.

"So…. What do we do now?" Wally asked looking at her again.

"We find a way out" she told him matter of factly.

"Okay so how do we do that?" Wally asked staring at the door wondering if he could figure out how to vibrate his molecules through it.

"Well we could start trying to break down the door" Artemis suggested.

Wally just nodded in agreement not in the mood to fight with her, or get a nosebleed.

* * *

"So who wants to go first?" Robin asked grinning at them with Zatana.

They all looked at each other then backed away, well all except Superboy. He looked around and shrugged his shoulders "Sure I'll go" he said not caring.

"Truth or dare?" Robin asked smirking.

"Dare" he said still not caring.

"I dare you to eat ketchup with a fork!" Zatana told him before Robin could say anything.

Conner raised an eyebrow at her "eat ketchup with a fork?" he question.

"Yes now do it!" Zatana ordered.

Superboy shrugged and went to the kitchen. He came back with a bottle of ketchup, a paper plate and a fork. He squeezed some of the ketchup onto the plate then scooped it up with the fork and stuck it in his mouth.

"It tastes weird without being on something" he tells them when he's finished.

"Okay then. Who's next?" Robin said. They all paled.

* * *

"So that was a total waste of time and energy" Wally said sitting down in the far left corner form the door, diagonal form the one Artemis was sitting in.

"Oh like you had a better idea!" Artemis said glaring at him.

"I could have vibrated my molicules through the door!" He said indignantly.

"Oh right, because you can do that!" she said sarcastically.

"Hey I totally could do that!" He said trying *cough*failing*cough* to defend himself.

"Oh yeah prove it! Get us out of here" she told him.

"Maybe I don't want to!" Wally said crossing his arms, glaring defiantly at her.

"So you want to be stuck in here forever!" she exclaimed sarcastically.

"Maybe I just like watching you squirm" he said trying to come up with a half-baked excuse.

"Riiiight" she said rolling her eyes "whatever you say Baywatch."

"That is what I say Arty" he nodded.

"Don't call me Arty!" she growled at him.

"Whatever you say beautiful" he said putting his hands behind his head.

"…What did you just call me?"

"…um nothing…"

"Wally!"

* * *

"Okay Jade's turn" Robin said.

"How did you know my name?" she asked.

"That's not important, what is important is do you pick truth or dare?" he said.

"Dare" she said simply.

"How come no one's pick truth?" Zatana asked.

"Because we aren't stupid and don't want you two getting any more black mail material on us" Red Arrow said, in a duh voice.

"You haven't even gone yet so you can't say anything!" Zatana yelled at him.

"Ooookkkaaaayyy?" Robin said backing away from her thinking she had been spending too much time with Artemis. "Now we need a dare for Cheshire."

"Oooo I dare you to kiss Red Arrow!" M'gann said.

Maybe she was the evil mastermind and not Robin and Zatana. She did have that handy telepathy to help her with this. Jade shook her head, she really needed to stop thinking up all these conspiracy theories that included her sisters teammates… And she needed help, but that could be discussed at a later date.

"Sure" she said smirking. She sauntered over to Red grabbed his shirt and dragged him from the training room to the kitchen, totally noticing the kiddies following them, she just didn't particularly care right now.

She turned around to face Red and her smirk slowly turned into a smile. He raised an eyebrow at her that she chose to ignore. She snaked her arms around his neck and kissed him. His arms instantly went around her waist as he kissed her back, giving the illusion that they had done this hundreds of times. Which they hadn't!

They finally came up for air, both of them panting. "I thought she said kiss not make out" Red Arrow said smirking.

"Shut up and kiss me!" Jade demanded before her lips crashed into his again.

* * *

They were fighting. Not much of a surprise really. They couldn't go two minutes being in the same room together without fighting. Them being locked together in said room for an undisclosed period of time didn't help. At all.

"What are we fighting about again?" Wally asks her when they get to the random insults part of the fight.

"I don't know" Artemis tells him shrugging.

"Why do we fight anyways?" he asks her.

"We're bored and it's entertaining" she says.

"Touche" he says "How about we not fight anymore unless it's about something really important or we have absolutely nothing better to do" he says surprising Artemis by his maturity.

"Sure, is that starting now?" she asks.

"Yeah" he answers looking down.

Some of the tension in the room is suddenly lifted and was immediately filled with awkward silence as they both looked anywhere but each other and started twiddling their thumbs.

* * *

The team managed to finally break Jade and Roy up after they had gotten over the entertainment of it all. Then Roy and Zatana had their turns. Both picked dare, and Roy had to go and prank Batman, which didn't turn out very well. Now it was finally the boy wonder Robin's turn.

"Okay Robin truth or dare?" Zatana asked.

"Truth" he says smirking his pants off (yes that's possible if you're a troll named Dick Grayson).

"What's your real name?" Zatana asked.

"That's easy Dick Grayson" he told them.

"Wow really just like that?" M'gann asked "What about Batman's rule?"

"I break Batman's rules all the time!" he said way too cheerfully "just don't let this leave this room. KF already knows and I'm using the fact that Artemis doesn't know to troll her."

"Well then what do we do now because I'm not playing another round of that" Jade said.

"Well first off we should check on the test subjects" Robin said grinning. Everyone raised an eyebrow.

"Um what?" Zatana asked giving him the confused dog look.

"KF and Artemis" he clarified.

"Ah wait we're gonna go in there and see what there up to?" she asked as everyone else watched them.

"No I put hidden cameras in there that are hooked up to my iPad" he said getting said iPad from seemingly nowhere. On the iPad was a picture of Wally and Artemis sitting in opposite corners awkwardly looking at the ground.

"Well at least they're past the fighting part" Zatana said observing them.

"Huh I had hoped that they'd be farther along by now" Robin said scratching his chin.

"So who wants to play strip poker while we wait for these two to fess up?" Cheshire asked.

"I do!" both Zatana and Dick said at the same time.

"That's what she said!" Zatana said immediately after making both of them erupt into fits of giggles.

"What's strip poker, and who's she?" M'gann asked.

"Maybe we should play something else" Kaldur said giving Robin and Zatana the look.

"Can we play go fish?" M'gann asked.

They all looked at each other and shrugged. "Sure why not" Roy said.

"I've got cards" Robin said pulling some cards out of his utility belt.

It was mutually decided telepathically that they wouldn't ask Robin about him carrying cards in his utility belt.

* * *

"Hey Wally" Artemis said looking up at Wally.

"Yeah" he said meeting her gaze.

"I have something I need to tell you" she said.

"What?" he asked.

"It's about my family, my mom is Huntress, and ex con. My Father is Sportsmaster, and my sister is Cheshire" she told him.

His jaw dropped open and he stared at her stock still, his brain trying to process what she just told him.

"Your dad is Sportsmaster!" he exclaimed.

"You can barely call him that" she grumbled to herself.

"Does Batman know about this? Don't answer that! Does the team know about this?" he asked outraged.

"The team knows" she said her head down not wanting to look him in the eye.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks hurt "Don't you trust me?"

"I was afraid of your reaction" she told him.

"Why would you care about my reaction?" he asked confused.

"Um well" she stuttered.

"Well what!" he exclaimed all of the sudden he was standing up and right next to her.

"I like you!" she blurted out.

"… What did you say?" he asked.

"You heard me" she grumbled "I don't know why you care you hate me!"

"I don't hate you!" he told her defiantly.

"Oh yeah prove it!" she yelled at him.

He grabbed her, pulled her up to him, then captured her lips with his, holding her tightly. She stood there shocked for a minute before she pulled away.

"What the hell was that all about?" she asked with not nearly as much enthusiasm as she would normally have.

"You said I hate you. But I don't, I like you" he told her looking and sounding totally sincere.

"So then what does that mean?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"What does that mean for us and our relationship?" she clarified.

"Well we could start I don't know dating if you wanted to" he said blushing.

"Sure, now if only we could get out of this closet."

* * *

"Alright I'm done the Martian keeps winning and this is getting boring" Jade said getting up.

"Should we check on them again?" M'gann asked Robin her eyes wide and innocent.

"Sure" he said pulling up the video screen on the iPad.

On the screen Wally and Artemis were closer than they had been and were now talking about something.

"Well it's progress but I think we should leave them in there longer" Jade said not really wanting to leave.

"Good idea" Robin said smirking.

"But just so you know if your friend knocks up my sister before they get married I'm gonna have to kill him" she informed them.

"Don't worry I scared KF into practicing Abstinence" Robin said grinning proudly.

"What did you do?" Roy asked.

"Let's just say I know some very disturbing stories that Batman told me" he told them. They all wisely decided to not touch that one.

"So um what are we gonna do now?" Conner asked.

"Well we do have a large supply of video games and a flat screen TV" Zatana said. They all grinned this time.

* * *

It was close to midnight when Batman came to the cave looking for Robin. He walked into the caves living room to the strangest sight he'd ever seen.

M'gann and Conner were curled up together asleep on the couch, Kaldur was sprawled out on the floor, and Robin was playing what looked like a twisted version of Alice in Wonderland with Cheshire, with Zatana and Red Arrow watching. Zatana looked interested and Roy looked bored.

Next to them was an iPad that showed Artemis and Wally in a closet curled up sleeping holding each other similar to M'gann and Conner. Batman assumed that the iPad was connected to video cameras in said closet. He took one last look at the scene before he decided he could get Robin tomorrow.

* * *

**Author's Notes: The Game Dick and Jade were playing in the last scene was Alice Madness Returns. Just don't ask. So how did I do for my first YJ fic? This thing took ten pages! My longest fic ever!**

**Wolf Skater out!**


End file.
